There’s a baby drowning in the ocean. Everyone at the nearby beach is up in arms.
What should we do?
Naturally, what needs to be done.
Some people grab megaphones to get the word out.
Some people set up a food drive because the baby must be starving.
The baby will need dry clothes later. So some people donate clothes.
Some people write songs. The baby needs to keep her spirits up.
Some people write checks. They really do care, but don’t know how to help. So all the money goes towards writing songs, donating clothes, and running the food drive.
Some people try predicting the waters. If we let it all run its course, the current might push the baby to shore.
Some people blame the parents.
Some people blame the lifeguard.
Some people question if she’s really a baby.
Some people try to brave the current and swim out to the baby themselves. We’ve got to get this baby out of here! Too bad they aren’t great swimmers.
Some people point out that the organizers of the food drive can’t be trusted. They’ve been eating some of the food themselves.
Some people point out that the donated clothes won’t fit the baby. Poor baby can’t fit into an adult’s extra large.
Some people point to research that shows that writing songs for the baby isn’t lifting her spirits. Others question the research’s methodology.
Some people advocate for a top-down rescue mission. If we can find a way to snatch the baby from above, we’ll save her. We’ll drop her a rope from a helicopter, and she can hold on.
But what if she slips?
Some people actually try it. The rope isn’t long enough. The baby’s arms aren’t strong enough.
The plan is scrapped and never tried again.
Some people advocate for a bottom-up mission. We’ll get in the water with her and teach her how to swim. And then she’ll save herself. With dignity.
Some people actually try it. The baby’s crying so she won’t listen. They stay with her until lunch time. Then they leave.
This plan is also scrapped and never tried again.
Neither of the groups agree with each other.
Some people write to their congressmen.
The congressmen then make speeches. This wins them a lot of public support. They eventually get re-elected.
Some people realize that those brave souls who tried to rescue the baby on their own are now also drowning. So they set up food drives, clothing donations, and fundraisers for them, too.
Some people start selling sun block at the beach. All these worried people have been out in the sun for a while.
Some people start selling tents. All these worried people need somewhere to sleep.
The baby dies.
Some people organize a vigil.